The pain of a concluded relationship is one that many people encounter, maybe even more than once in a lifetime. Books and movies make it seem easy to rebound back after a broken heart: The happy endings either see someone moving on to an even stronger relationship or a couple getting back together.
In real life, relationship troubles aren’t usually resolved in three hours like they are on the big screen, and the stories don’t always have happy endings.
If you’re attempting to come to terms with the end of a relationship, frequently repeated adages, platitudes, and cliches are not likely to be beneficial. Although people may be well-intentioned when they say it’s greater to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, suggesting such thoughts doesn’t give you much by way of experiential advice for dealing with your emotions.
Ways to Mend a Broken Heart
In the immediate fallout of a breakup, know that it’s okay to allow yourself time to lament the loss. You don’t need to leap straight into the problem-resolving mode, doing so when you haven’t allowed yourself to fully manifest your feelings may make the process more painful and protracted.
In the early days, try to restrain the urge to isolate yourself. Guilt, sadness, confusion, and other extreme feelings may be enormous. Connect to the people who are concerned about you. To come to terms with the developments in your life, you’ll need the support of your friends and family.
When you’re prepared for the next level, here are some do’s and don’ts to help guide you through the means of healing.
How to Heal a Broken Heart?
1. Don’t Let Your Emotions Rule
Try not to look over the end of a relationship as a non-success. Instead, think of it as a possibility to grow and learn. It doesn’t make a difference if it was your first relationship or if you’ve had others before. Everyone, whether they’re 16 or 60, can get to know themselves better and work on enhancing their relationship skills.
You may have a lot of displeasure around the relationship, including the way it ended. You may even be enticed to “exact revenge” on your ex or dream about disrupting or interfering in their life—including new relationships.
Remember that harming another person won’t lessen your suffering. It’s more possible to make you feel terrible and will slow the progress of your healing.
2. Do Take Care of Yourself
Good self-care is physical, emotional, and spiritual. You have your own special needs in each area. Still, some general acts of self-care are beneficial for almost everyone, such as regular exercise, a nutritious diet, strategies for coping with stress, a social support system, and, to mention a few.
Try to be gentle, patient, kind, and give toward yourself. It may help to know that the agony of a break-up is not just emotional; studies have shown people can also feel physical pangs of loss.
You should also need to work on reinstating the “big picture” outlook. When you’re in courtship, it may be a central part of your life, but romantic love isn’t the only type that can be nourishing. Continue to foster relationships with family, friends, and yourself.
If you feel shame or guilt or about your role in a relationship that has ended, it may be tough to be a good friend to yourself as you work through these emotions. Keep in mind that perfecting compassion toward yourself makes it more likely you’ll attract that kind of liveliness from others.
Working with a knowledgeable, trustworthy, skilled, and compassionate therapist is good self-care during any period of significant change in your life. Still, it can be especially helpful when you’re coping with loss.
3. Don’t Get Stuck in the Past
We all tend to look back on our lives, or individual relationships, with “rose-colored spectacles.” The impact of “rosy retrospection” is that you may refuse to see the problems and only focus on the right parts (which you’re likely to miss).
Sometimes, both the bad and good memories may feel as though they’re playing on a continuous loop in your mind. These intruding thoughts can slow down the process of healing and can be quite distressing.
4. Do Appreciate the Good Memories
Even if your relationship ended on a bitter note, chances are it was not all unpleasant. It’s usual to look back at what was great about it, and you may find you miss specific things about your former and the love you experienced.
At the same time, you may feel overloaded by the space that’s left when the relationship ends or harbor bitterness about what happened that led to its detachment.
Riding out these changes in emotions is part of the healing process. When happy memory crops up, allow yourself to be grateful for it—then move on.
5. Don’t Deny Your Needs
Being candid with yourself about your needs (especially those that aren’t being met) can be a distressing process. You may feel it would be more comfortable and less severe to forget them simply.
While it may feel healthier in the brief term to “numb” yourself to the pain, it will only make it durable for you to heal in the long run. Pretending you don’t have needs makes it challenging for you to grow, both in your relationships with the one you have with yourself and others.
6. Do Forgive
Pardoning your ex may take time and may not come quickly, especially if you were betrayed or hurt. It’s essential to note that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their hurtful behavior and actions.
Sometimes, the deed of forgiveness is not so much about the other person. Arriving at a place of forgiveness permits you to stop investing energy and time into a situation and person who is no longer healthy for you.